We eat like this

We eat like this ..." She could also tell him not to get down after the meal, and she could also ask him to say "Thank-you" She doesn't have to be unkind. If she cannot bear to be more tolerant of his behaviour, I feel that her approach needs to be firm but fair. Gentle encouragement towards, for example, staying at the table for some reason, would be far more fruitful than any amount of implied criticism.NICHOLAS E GOUGHSwindonWiltshireRules are rulesWhy on earth can't Marie tell her son's friend to behave properly? She could say: "In our house we don't eat holding our spoon and fork in our fists. Given time he will come to appreciate the saying: "When in Rome do as the Romans do!" I do not think Marie can hope to change the boy at this stage, but I do think she is entitled to receive some consideration in her own home. At 12 years of age the boy is probably quite set in his ways.

If she's something of an actress, with any luck this would turn into a hilarious event.The following day each one will be tested on what they've learned, in a spirit of such jocularity and hysteria that no one's really aware that a lesson is being given. Preferably the test would take place in separate rooms so they can't spark each other off laughing. At the end they both must, of course, be marked equally, and get the same prize.Thus Marie will have given her son's friend an enormous gift which, even if he never uses it until later life, will remain with him for ever.READERS SAYWhen in Rome ...What is normal? The range of socially acceptable behaviour is extremely broad and many social circles would accept Marie's son's friend's table manners. She could even give each of them a list of points to remember, with the ever-present reminder that manners are a way of making the other person feel as comfortable as possible.

There is a lot of door-opening involved, coat removing, gift-giving, who sits down first, table-manners, oily thank- you letter writing and so on. This exercise will be seen as a treat, like a party game, not a punishment. There will, of course, be a considerable prize involved, like a computer game they both want For an hour and a half she must involve them in play-acting. She is the hostess and they are coming to dinner.Each one is tested individually. I'm also sure if she had what's known as "a quiet word" with him (how noisy are those words, internally!) he would go home and repeat every word.Mine may appear a crass and obvious plan to adults, but I don't think the children would see through it.

She should encourage her son to ask this boy to stay for the weekend. During the first morning, she should berate her own son, but not unkindly, for his bad manners She can surely find a few moments when he slips up. She should then announce that for an hour that afternoon they're going to have a `politeness rehearsal' for a politeness test the next day. And if Marie wishes to help this boy, she should devise some way, however bizarre it may seem, to help him.Obviously there's no question of her talking to his parents They would be understandably upset And to discuss it with them would be bad manners in itself. But recently I've understood their importance.I used to go away to stay and never take a present. I used to think that just verbal thanks after dinner was enough.