I used to go to the Melwood training ground and get autographs

"I used to go to the Melwood training ground and get autographs I had Kevin Keegan's 15 times I'd love to have him at Anfield My first game was Liverpool v Middlesbrough We won 2-0 and Souness had a big fight with Jimmy Case. The first time I went to the Kop I hit my head on a barrier and got knocked out The crowd carried me to the front where the Red Cross were I got a brilliant view The current side is terrible, no consistency, no spirit. I'm glad McManaman's going if he doesn't want to be at the club Fowler's my favourite. As Walker says, "he could be the greatest driver of all time".Perhaps Schumacher needs to look ahead of him in Walker's list and learn a few things. It a fairly uncontroversial selection - in ascending order, Mansell, Ascari, Lauda, Stewart, Schumacher, Clark, Moss, Senna, Prost, Fangio. Prost squeezes ahead of Senna because of the latter's "ruthlessness which could prejudice the safety of others"; Schumacher (that's Michael, by the way) only makes number six because he's not finished yet. He does his trademark podium leap while Schumacher attempts to grin rather than grimace.

Never mind - he's off to Williams, while for Jordan, "It never stops Never Stops. Never Stops."Jordan could have been talking about Murray Walker, who contributes Murray Walker's Top Ten (Wednesday) to ITV's somewhat low key F1 preview package. It's up to you."There's only one decision, but communicating it to Ralph is another matter Jordan tells him not to overtake, only to be met by silence "Can you hear me Ralph? Did you get that? Can you hear me?". There was a mental picture of Ralphie smiling that Schumacher smile: "Oh, Gott im Himmel, I've accidentally put my elbow through the radio..."The message does finally get through, Hill holding on for the team's first win of the season. "Now listen to me, this is very important" he tells ground control.

"We're in a position to win this, but not if we race each other. "Too many people telling me what to do," a techie grumbles bitterly. There's a huge crash at the start, and on the radio we hear Schumacher: "My God, I was really lucky," says the spooked voice of a man who has just stared death in the face.Hill leads the re-start, Ralph's big brother overtakes but crashes into David Coulthard, and suddenly it's a Jordan 1-2 Hill is quick to sort out one or two things. He throws a party at which Hill dances like a schoolteacher, while Schumacher fails to show.

As Jordan poses with glamour models in the pre-race festivities, one of his technicians mutters ruefully to camera, "The lads are enjoying the tits, but they're not doing their job."Come showtime, Hill spins off in the rain, but Schumacher clings on for the team's first point. He's been tapped up by Williams and is investigating ways of breaking his contract.By the Belgium Grand Prix, things are tense, though Hill makes third on the grid. "Every time you are supposed to do it you fuck it up, and when you're not supposed to do it you do OK," Jordan tells him by way of congratulations.For someone who has so far failed to set the world alight in his chosen field, Jordan seems to be doing very nicely thank you, as he relaxes in his Spanish villa. What is it that possesses an otherwise sane man to tease out his whiskers so they stretch out across his cheeks into attenuated dribbles towards his nose? "If you let them grow any more they'll form a moustache round the front," she told him as they sit in her back garden. A phrase echoes through the film - "qualifying is going badly" - and at Silverstone, Schumacher stalls and is banished to the back of the grid.